Kjøpte Dylan Moran´s nyeste DVD. Like Totally. Bursdag-julepresang til meg selv. Noen smakebiter.

Om kvinner i USA: You see these amazing looking people that don`t look real at all. These incredible exiguous women. You know, those people who look like they can`t support the weight of their own teeth in their heads.

Om 'hummers': How small does your cock have to be - to make you walk into a carshowroom and say: Listen, I need something the size of a school, so people know I`m around.

You couldn`t speak german, because it`s a horrible sound. It sounds like typewriters eating tinfoil being kicked down stairs.

Hvorfor irske kjendiser ikke ser kule ut: You put Bowie or Lou Reed on the cover of TIME Magazine, of course they look cool. Because they can do all that stuff, all those looks. You know, the ones that say: I don`t even know you`re there - but if I did, I`d ignore you...You can`t do that if you`re Irish, because you have the face. And an Irish face always looks like it`s being told two very important pieces of information at the same time.

There`s only one airlineservice in the world now. Air Denial - where everybody gets on and they pretend they`re in a cafe. They try to shut out the one thought that has kidnapped their mind, which is: We`re all gonna die. And you pretend you`re in a cafe, and that`s what the people who work on the planes are supposed to support you in this fantasy - because they come along asking: Would you like red or white wine with your piece of vulcanized lizards cock from the moon. How about an extra breadroll there to dip in your ottervomit pate..... All to shut out the one thought which is in your mind, which is: We`re all gonna die. We`re all gonna die right now. The plane is made of metal, the wings are made of metal. We`re all eating and I`m the only non-terrorist on board. We`re all gonna die.

Om frukt: Nobody likes it. That`s why they put mirrors around it in supermarkeds. You catch sight of yourself and think: Fuck it, I`m dying - I`d better eat some of this. They don`t do that with the eclairs do they?

If you`re born a woman all these things happens to you.... It`s this constant opera where the masks keeps falling to the floor throughout your life. Who am I? I don`t know.. I`m fucking nuts. If you`re a male. You`re born. You have one finger up your nose, and the other hand on your dick - and you get taller. And that is really it.


God jul!